i permit you to call me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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