there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
