Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
