I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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