...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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