We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
