I never want to see another naked old woman again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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