you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
