onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
