dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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