I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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