I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
