I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
