dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
