I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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