I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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