Will you blow on my dice?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize