Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
