I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
