Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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