she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
