so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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