Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
