we have officially lost it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
