Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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