I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Two words: nipple clamps
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