Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will pee on everything he values.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
