all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
