I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
