I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
