How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
