No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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