i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
