eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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