The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
