Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They took my balls.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
