we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
