Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
