So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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