I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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