I bet he comes in French.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will be naked everywhere
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
