I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
