I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
