you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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