WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
