We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
