Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is wine microwaveable?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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