I love black thongs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
