Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
