My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
